Hoping That One Day He Will Be Mine

It is his text messages I wake up to and his voice that I go to sleep to.
It is how I cannot go a day without knowing how his day went.
It is the long conversations we share.
It is the late nights he stays up with me.
It is his personality, his humor, and his intellect that keeps me interested.
It is his swagger that makes him different from all the others.
It is how he encourages me to stay on top of my game.
It is how he read all my blogs just to show me that I have his undivided-attention.
It is how he helps make my best better and my better best.
It is how he holds my hand when I am scared.
It is how he always has the right answers when I question him.
It is the “what ifs” that keep me wondering.
What if . . .I could deliver him from his nerve wrecking girlfriend?
What if . . .I could be his morning sun and his night star?
What if . . . he could take a romantic walk down Penn’s Landing with me?
What if . . . we could share our jokes and laughter under the moonlight?
What if . . . I had my way like Chrisette Michele?
What if . . .I was Cinderella and he was the Prince?
Random “what ifs” that is always on my mind.
They constantly rewind time after time.
Hoping and hoping that one-day he will be mine.

-Erica Garner

A Tribute to Don Minus The Bars “Ten Things Women Do To Drive Men Away”

#1o Engaging in a power struggle???

I have found that it is normally the male, who thinks that a man is suppose to bring home more money, have more physical and emotional strength, and be sport-orientated as opposed to females who are illustrated to be poor (on welfare), emotional, and art- orientated. Woman struggle over power because they are feed up with being perceived as weaker or less than a person. These stereotypes and setbacks women had to overcome derived from men. We had to fight to vote, fight to go to school, fight to be in a play etc. So you are telling me we now have to fight with our inner self to be accepted by males? We have overcame many barriers, but such things like a woman makes $0.77 for each $1 a man makes in the same job position or how there has never been a woman president is just ridiculous! As long as inequality exist woman will always try to out do a man. You say that woman engaging in a power struggle runs a man way. Is it because woman can be so damn powerful that they are intimidating? So we are suppose to shrink to keep you man around???? I would rather stay single if I ever have to be less than the woman I am to keep an insure man around! No offence Guys! This is Real Talk!

Artificial Love

That feeling you get when he tells you he loves you on the first date. How his firm voice whisper it in the phone night after night. Those three words that really only mean that he would like to get you in bed as soon as possible and will say anything to get you where he want you. You feel a sudden shiver through your body. It makes your heart warm and soul a bit satisfied.

Your intuition tells you it isn’t real, but your heart has long for this enjoyable feeling. You heart and your mind are now in conflict. The mind knows that falling in love happens over time. The heart feels any love is acceptable. The mind objects after a flashback of the last abusive relationship the two endured. The heart feels that love is a necessity and it is willing to settle.

****************************

That feeling you get when she calls you daddy. How her well-developed body, glossed lips, lustrous skin, and sincere eyes taunts you. Those four perfected features she primped for hours are enough for her to suck your pockets dry. You get this sudden erection when she tells you to meet her in room 6 at the Marriott. Then she kisses you on the lips at the cessation of the date. It aids your ego and makes you feel macho.

Your blood is pumping violently and you are impatient. Your instinct tells you to slow down. Your mind and your desires are in disagreement. The mind knows that one-night stands are not healthy. The desire wants anything that is pleasurable. The mind discommended after reliving a dreadful visit to the clinic. The mind is defeated by the desire.

Artificial love is that sudden passion that can derive from deceit. Artificial love is lust disguised as love. Artificial love is when a person associates or marries a person for financial gain. Artificial love is pretending to have ardent feelings for someone. Although, artificial love can be unexpected or tricky, do not surrender upon it. Force your mind to fight that heart and that desire that makes you want to capitulate. You saw the effects of artificial love so play your part smart because now the ball is in your court. What will be your next move his “I love you be” or her “gold digging room at the Marriott”?

-Erica Garner

The Minute You Crossed Me Was the Minute You Lost Me

He can walk-in my life as fast as he wants, but if he ever crosses me, I’ll have him changing directions as fast as I want. Maybe I did let him in my life too fast. I was too much of a woman for him anyway. I am not upset. I’m simply stating the truth.

Today on the radio (100.3 the beat) they said, “Statistics proves that 99% of men will cheat or have cheated on their spouse.” When I heard this, my response was, “uuuhh huhh” because as long as it may have taken me to realize this, I already knew the deal. Actually, I thought I was the only one aware of this. Lets face it, ladies and gents; there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. So stop saying, “I know my baby won’t do nothing to hurt me.” Truth is, we are all cowards when cheating comes into play. Nobody is going to admit to doing such an indecent thing, merely because it is easier and less painful to conceal it. So stop getting yourself all worked up when someone cheats on you. It is not the end of the world.

I have often realize that after one’s infidelities have been revealed the two then depart. Normally, the victim tries to get revenge before he or she moves on. So when he or she does moves on, again the same thing happens. That brings me to these questions. What is the point of breaking up with someone and moving on when the next person does the same thing? Why not stick in there and try to make it work? Are you afriad it may happen again? Most people do not become stereotypical after their first time being cheated on. However, after the second or maybe the third time, a person begins to acknowledge certain patterns and often begin to develop stereotypes. Some stereotypes are as follows:

Ø All men are cheaters.
Ø All women are whores.
Ø Black women like to argue.
Ø All men are heartbreakers.

Cheating is a sin that is widely committed. Think of love as a game. In every game there is at least one cheater. I’m not telling you that your lover is a cheater. I’m informing you that there will always be a possibility. So don’t be naïve or close minded because a close mind is a mind of ignorance.

-Erica Garner
September 7, 2007

What Ever Happened to the Good Brothers?

What Ever Happened to the Good Brothers?

He was used to girls using him for money, but I didn’t need a sugar daddy. I couldn’t see myself as a “hustler’s wife” anyway. Why is it that most of the boys my age either sell drugs and/or do drugs? I can understand that boys need money to survive. I mean who doesn’t? So go get some slacks that are not falling off your behind, a button-up, a resume, and fill out some applications for crying out loud. So what the employer don’t call you back. Call the employer back so he/she can realize how serious you are. I am a woman who holds her own. I know it’s not easy and working at Mickey D’s is not the dream job, but it damn sure is a start. I can honestly say my Mickey D’s job helped me to survive.

Look Out Because Fast Money is Not the Best Money!

It is sad to see so many black boys of my generation in jail or dead. That leaves me with no hope. So you are trying to tell me when I do graduate from college there won’t be anybody out there for me? Black brothers, do us ladies a favor. Don’t limit your self to a jail sell or six feet under. Believe it or not some of us need a man to support us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But, as they always say, “A good man is hard to find.”

- Erica Garner

I Want To Be . . .

I want to be the woman that stands out because of her
Courage, hard work, and eloquence.
I want to be respected, idolized, and loved.
I want be humbly, confident.
I want to be a woman who lives life for GOD.
I want to be a woman who lives life in happiness and peace.
I want to be a woman who warms the hearts of everyone with just a smile.
I want to be a woman of many accomplishments.
I want to be a . . .
College graduate,
A registered nurse,
A fashion designer,
A full-figured model,
And a writer.
I want to be a wife and a mother someday.
I want to be a woman of no limitations.
For the sky is not the limit,
But a midpoint to my all my destinies.
-Erica Garner

About Me

I am a sister of three brothers, one being younger than me. I was born and raised in North Philly. Unfortunately, domestic issues caused me to take flight to the Northeast suburbs with one of my brothers. I considered myself as independent every since the age fourteen when I got my first job at the Athletic Recreation Center. I went from job to job, from buying my own clothes to helping my mother pay bills, and now having to pay my own bills. Also, I’ve always loved school and would cry whenever I had to stay home due to snowstorms or sore throats. All the teachers I ever had loved me, but not exactly a teacher’s pet. It was the fact that I was always eager to learn, determined to be the best, and challenged others to work to their fullest potential.

In addition, I have always been easily inspired. I was inspired to get out of the “hood” from watching my brother move from North Philly to the Northeast, inspired to become a model from watching America’s Next Top Model, inspired to be a fashion designer from making Barbie clothes out of old socks, inspired to become a Reregister Nurse from my childhood dream career, inspired to become a schoolteacher from tutoring everyone in the neighborhood, inspired to become a rapper from listening to my brothers and cousins rap, inspired to become an artist from falling in love with my very first art class, and inspired to become a writer from writing in my diary and reading Philly’s Andrea blogs. Of all these things the thing I love most is writing. Writing allows me to express my emotions, cleanse my soul, explore my imagination, plan my goals, to get over a lover, to evaluate myself, and more.

In the past years I have learned a lot. It was quite hard moving from girlhood to womanhood. Even though, it was painful and stressful it was also an experience that was worth while. I remember when boys didn't even notice me, but as soon as I got breast I couldn't fight them off! (lol) I have been in numerous relationships and I can honestly say I do not regret any of them because each one taught me something. I just thank GOD that it didn't take a baby to teach me any lessons. Throughout life no matter what my struggles were, I never allowed them to make me lose my faith and determination. I been through so many changes and sometimes I find myself crying everyday. I use to wonder why my life was so terrible. Now I know why because like they say what don't kill you only makes you stronger. Considering all the things I have been through I think I am strong enough to bench press the world! (lol)

In closing, I would just like to thank those who believed in me and fought this battle called life with me because it was a hell of a journey and to think it's just getting started is too overwhelming. Time is flying by too fast and I sometimes wish it were more hours in a day and more months in a year.

Let It Go!

They say if you love someone then you got to let him/her go. If he/she comes back then that means so much more. But if he/she never comes back then at least you will know that was someone you had to love in order to grow.

I once had a boyfriend who I loved so much. I mean he was always on my mind, we spent a lot of time together, and we loved each other so deeply. We even had a word we would say to each other. Forever. Forever would mean forever we would love each other, forever we would be together, forever we would be there for each other, etc. Being in love with him felt soooo good; it just felt so right. I thought that was the boy I would marry someday and I wanted him to father my children someday. Until this day I still feel the same way about him no matter what we went through.

Now of course he broke up with me due to my insecurities or my female intuition shall I say. I always said, “You can’t have a relationship without trust”. Yeah, I trusted him for years and still do, but when someone starts changing his/her ways and attitudes that trust turns into curiosity. I had to ask myself a question. Do I trust him enough not to “change” without informing me, (his lover) -what is causing this “change”? Change can definitely cause a relationship to deline.

Here’s an example, when Sasha menstruates she normally makes her boyfriend aware of that “change”, but this month she menstruated for an entire month without letting her boyfriend know because she was afraid. So when Sasha and her boyfriend go to sleep at night, she doesn’t want to be bothered. Therefore, her boyfriend assumes that she is cheating and decides to have sex with someone else. In reality, Sasha is carrying their embryo in her uterus. See how change can affect a relationship? Change was just something I couldn’t accept and I just had to investigate. So I asked him if he was cheating a few times, but so what, what was I supposed to do?

After the brake up I was heartbroken and I wanted to get over him so I got other boyfriends, but I would always compare them to him. Soon I developed the ability to see through boys. Well, not exactly see through them, but to be able to get in their heads to determine what exactly they wanted out of the relationship. Soon enough I found my self to be single for a year. I was still thinking about my ex as well as talking to him. Before I knew it, we started started catching feeling for each other. I asked him about commitment, but he said, "I do not want to be committed.

Obviously, I didn’t care because I kept him around. When I went off to college I started to evaluate myself. I said to myself, “Erica you are out of character. Control yourself because you are better than that and you deserve so much more. It’s time to let it go.”

So ladies if you found yourself in the same predicament just let it go because you deserve so much more. In the case that he comes back, make him work! Girl, all them tears you shed over him, why not make him work? Most importantly cherish that boy because it's not too many boys out here who can admit to their wrongs and compromise. In the case he never returns take it as a life lesson that will strengthen you in your next relationship.

-Erica Garner

Are We Talking High Class or Haute Couture?

By Erica Garner

Summer 2006

Everyday we are surrounded by international fashion, but what is international fashion? International fashion is an on-going popularity contest. Fashion is the way you dress with the style of your choice. Fashion is an enormous business, which includes more people than any other business in the world; from consumers to the manufacturers.

International fashion is basically “high class” fashion. It consists of clothes, shoes, and accessories made by world famous designers. Sometimes you may see a model modeling a $50,000 outfit that may look weird to you, but it takes a big spender with style to buy it.

When it comes to fashion there is always competition. In the international world of fashion models compete with other fashion models, designers compete with designers, and photographers compete with other photographers. High Class fashion is fashion determined by a small group of men and women with a specific taste and authority in the fashion business. These people are normally the rich folks who are buyers for major department stores, editors and writers for fashion magazines. Some of the expensive, artistic fashions may become world wide, but most stay on the runway.

In the field of fashion you will always deal with change. New trends come and go with each season. New ideas are always hitting the market. The new ideas either flop or blow up, worldwide. For example, in the 1700’s women and dressmakers outside the French court depended on sketches to see what was going on in the fashion industry. The famous king of France, Louis XIV said that “fashion is like a mirror” and he was renowned for his style, which included extravagant laces and velvets.

Music, movies, videos, books, culture, musical icons, political figures, and royalty often influence fashion. Movies are a big influence and it was said that Ray–Ban sold more sunglasses after the movie Men In Black than the history of the company. Also, in the 1950’s teenagers everywhere dressed like Elvis Presley.

This season we are seeing old houses of Laurent, Oscar del La renta, and Channel stay to their true ways inspiring us with their techniques while some what newcomers like Sassy Bella make their mark in the rough and rowdy fashion world.

Vogue, one of the leading fashion magazines and the fashionesstas bible, declares that for the fall we will see the return of the bubble, a technique that flairs the skirt out just below the waist, our friend fur is still fabulous, as well as a lot of use of metallics and layering. We really may see a use of the Napoleonic style of dress. No matter what comes our fashion way it is ultimately up to you to have high class or no class!

~Ciao!

Flavor Cravers

Boys come in so many flavors.
The rotten ones are always the cravers.
It’s the Ike Turner,
The sex burner,
The cheaters,
The leavers,
The baby makers,
The heartbreakers,
The drug dealers,
The evil killers.
These are some of the rotten boy thrillers.
These are trifling brothers.
Won’t you find another?
Like a money maker,
A life savor,
A lovebird,
A cute nerd,
A teddy bear,
The one you don’t fear,
The boy that cares,
The boy that’s always there.
There are so many flavor cravers.
Which one do you favor?

-Erica Garner

Ooops. . . I Spilled My Love!

He writes me letters,
But all I can think about is you.
That’s all I really think about,
Is you.
When I’m alone at home
Or when my mind wanders.
After all this time we haven’t been together,
I still think about you.
Telling others as well as myself,
That I am so over you . . .
Deep down inside even I knew this wasn’t true.
I’m too afraid of rejection to really tell you this myself
He loves that girl Erica
Is my constant reminder not to spill the beans if you know what I mean?

I’m afraid!
Afraid? You may ask.
Yes, afraid!
That you might not feel the same way about me . . .
Or afraid of making a fool of myself.
Desperate is not what I you to see me as.

See me as strong –
For my strength comes from other who are stronger.
See me as potential-
For my mind is potent and my goals are tangible;
Within my reach.
See me as loyal-
For when I’m committed,
I stick with it.
See me as many other character traits . . .
Because my personality is forever blooming.
I do not limit myself to be only one way,
But I can see myself with only one guy.

I see something special in you.
For some reason when you held me, when you kissed me . . .
I really felt love.
It was a feeling I never felt with any other guy.
I mean I search high and low through the bob and the flow for my soul mate.
And did a lot of dumb shit looking for a soul to match.

Sometimes, I can’t even talk about you to my friends
Because they disrespect you and down me for even talking to you.

I just try to justify you hurting me,
Justify you only telling me you love me because she hurt you,
Justify you only calling me because she did something wrong.
I told you, “if you don’t want me then don’t talk to me”.
But in turn that wasn’t what you wanted,
But still you wanted to be wanted to be with her.

I can’t figure you out . . .
It’s killing me inside!
Why hasn’t the love died?
Does it feed on time?
Why aren’t we together?
They say people come in your life for a reason,
A season,
Or lifetime.
Maybe it’s
A reason because we have seen many seasons
Or maybe it’s a lifetime . . .
- Erica Garner

What Are You Afraid OF?

What Are You Afraid OF?

GOD asked me, “What are you afraid of?”
And I said, “I’m afraid of dying
Because I’m going to miss my friends and family
I’m afraid of being lonely
Because there would be no one to love me,
No one to hug me.
I’m afraid of being disobedient
Because I don’t want you to send me downstairs,
To burn is what I fear in a H-E double L cell
I’m afraid of falling in love
Because I don’t want to get heartbroken
Plus I’m sensitive and I don’t want me shirt to get soaked.”

And you know what he said unto me?
HE said, “Girl, I got your back . . .
Don’t be afraid of death,
Your family and friends will find you just go forward and don’t look behind you
Don’t be afraid of being lonely,
I’ll find you a man that will love you, a man that will hug you.
Don’t be afraid of being disobedient,
I’m the way just follow me I paved the path that you will see.
Don’t be afraid of falling in love
I’ll find you that man, who will protect, a man who will respect you,
And that soaked shirt you’ll get that back too.”

I opened my eyes and I saw something shine
Now I know what they mean when they say GOD is good all the time.

I am From . . .

We are all from different places, which makes us unique. Coming from a different background help shape our personalities and our dreams, which creates diversity. You will never really understand a person until you know their past so here's a poem about where I am from.

I am From
I am from a place where many are unfortunate,
From a place where majority struggles,
And where drugs are sold in order to feed a family.
I am from a place where there are broken families,
Where lovers are cheaters,
Where baby fathers are leavers,
Where Ike hits Tina,
Where HIV is an epidemic,
Where children are reproducing
Where killing becomes a hobby,
And where education is unimportant.

Fortunately, I am from a family where everyone cares
And making jokes and laughing are our only remedies.
I am from a father who calls me Suga Butt and who is delightfully loquacious.
I am from a mother who sings loud, but annoyingly pleasing.
I am from an eldest brother who took me in his home, taught me to be athletic,
And promised me a belly ring for when I become skinny.
I am from an elder brother,
Who is very artistic,
Who writes his rhymes and draws his pictures in all my notebooks.
I am from a younger brother, who I truly love,
But often tamper with his temper just to make fun.
I am From North Philly, which is
Better known as “the hood”,
But most importantly,

I am from a family who genuinely loves and lives life to it’s fullest.

- Erica Garner