This is No Fairytale
by Erica

She loves him SO much. Maybe more than he realizes. If only he knew...

That she dreams about him, still. That she would do anything to see him happy. That if today or tomorrow he was sick or in the hospital, she would drop everything she was doing to be by his side. If he was paralyzed for the rest of his life, then, she would only hold him tighter, embracing him with everlasting love.

She care so much not only because she wants him to care for her, but because it does something for her soul. It satisfies her and make her feel alright inside. She has that "teenage love" for him. In class, she wanders off thinking, how would it be to have his last name and to mother his children someday. If only his love was reciprocal and they were in sync with each other, then, this love story will have a fairytale ending, but of course that is not the situation.

She often go back in time, when they were seeing eye-to-eye and think what did she do to lose that connection. You know...maybe if she re-track her steps and what she did wrong, then maybe she'll see what she had done wrong time after time. Because deep down inside she would like to change some of the past. She would like to fix those mistakes she had made and replace them with a gratitude. Instead, of always going on with a nagging, accusing, tough girl attitude. Don't judge her though. Know that she is living and learning.

You may ask what keeps her going strong.? Her answer, "The optimistic feeling of hope." She hopes that one day things would happen in her favor. She wishes she didn't rip that diary up of all their memories because it still has a possibility of being turned into a fairytale story.

After two years of a therapist telling her to let it go, she continues to love. How could she let someone go that she carried in her spirit with her for so many years. It's like losing a best friend. She just wouldn't be able to cope. So, how does she cope? She live in the moments that have once taking her breath away. She reminisces and damn it feels SO good. To be continued...