It’s Called a Relapse
The other day I found myself giving in. I called the guy that I claimed I was through with to tell him I was sorry and I missed him. Even though it revealed that I am sentimental and vulnerable, I didn’t care. It felt like I was withdrawing from a strong addiction and I just had to get just one more hit. All I wanted was to call him and hear his voice again to satisfy my impulse. Damn, I do sound crazy . . . psychotic.
I am really beginning to understand how powerful an addiction can be and how Freud’s psychosexual theory helps to explain it. It’s my superego (moral principles) that often tells me to let him go, but my id (sexual and aggressive impulses) takes over because my impulses are obviously stronger than my moral principles. I can now understand my lack of equilibrium (balance) is due to the fact that my superego and my id are in constant disagreement. Somehow, I feel sorry for my poor ego (reality-orientated functions) that is often forced to be embarrassed by such an imbalance. It’s called a relapse so I guess my next remedy is a rehab (counseling) because I don't want to be this person anymore. Pray for me.
5 comments:
damn E we really in the same sinking ass boat. member how i always used to tell u i needed to go to LA leonard anonymous it sound to me that u need to be put into a treatment center ya damn self. damn what is it about these guys that makes us so vulnerable and heads over hill for them , especially when they dont treat us right
I don't have the answers, but the counselor might. I will be seeing her on Monday morning because I really want help. I had to make that appointment Asap!
I guess I would be a hypocrite if I said I didn't understand but I do. So, my next post is for you ma.
You just haven't met the dude who will take you away from that vulnerability.
Philly's Andrea: Thanks for the post, but for some reason I know we are going to be completely happy. Our only obstacle is time. All relationships have hard times. I just so happen to broadcast and exaggerate every little thing.
Don: I think I have.
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