Self-esteem and Relationships

What is it with guys who feel like they are just not good enough for a woman? Self-esteem is a b**** when you really love someone, but they are not happy with themselves to truly love you back. I guess we all have this idealized self and expectations for ourselves that allows us to miss out on some good relationships because we have low self-esteem.

"I don't have anything to offer you." (Not that I asked you for anything.)

"Oh you are so perfect. You have goals, you're smart, and you're beautiful, but . . . I'm not." (Yes you are and why must we compare anyway?)

"I'm sorry I don't meet your requirements." (I never told you about any requirements.)

Okay I know psychologist say you have to be on the same level as your partner in order to feel elevated or in sync with each other, but damn aren't there some exceptions?? Are you allowed to feel this way at eighteen or nineteen years old? Life is just beginning and you are already feeling incompetent. I guess for some guys it's apart of being a "man" or wanting to feel like a "man".

I guess everyone wants to be independent, but you have to balance it with interdependence (help from others). If you need it and I have it, then it's yours. Money is not a big issue for me, but some people are afraid that if they depend too much on a person then their partner will become a control freak, but that is not necessarily true.

Honestly, I believe if you love someone and they love you then, that's all that matters. Of course you would have to love yourself and care about yourself before you can have those feelings for someone else.

Prolonged self-esteem issues triggers high levels of anxiety and insecurity. Is he jealousy that I am a little more successful than he is or is he afraid that because I am on higher level than him that I may leave him for someone better than him? Well, he damn sure not jealous. He just panics when he feel like our relationship is being threaten.

So what do you do when you are having these relationship issues? I guess by spending time with each other and having conversations to make the other person feel securely attached. I would say it is best to resolve these issues early on in a relationship because it will constantly come up in some shape or form when addressing other issues. And of course if the situation gets severe take advantage of relationship counseling. If one doesn't work try another one. You would hate to walk out of a relationship and look back on the situation and say what if we had tried this . . . would it have worked? Try all the possible alternatives before giving up. That's only if you TRULY LOVE that other person.

Here's a great website if you are seeking relationship counseling. http://www.councilforrelationships.org/