Midnight Foreverness

Midnight Foreverness

All it took was two and a half months of romance.

Movies, dinner, billiards, and a NBA game.
Two nights of passion filled grown-up stuff and I'm hooked on his drug.

I like to call it Midnight Foreverness. One glance in his eyes and I was addicted. So many conversations in which we learned how much we were a like (some ended in debates) and i grew fearless.

Love has failed me once, but maybe love has come back to apologize or perhaps offer me something better. Something special, a hidden passion that is unbreakable. Midnight Foreverness.

It feels so good. Sometimes, it feels like a dream. One that is too good to be true. I pull myself to the side sometimes and say, "Self don't you get caught up. Slow down. You are falling for him faster than ever before. You better check yourself". But, I don't want to check myself. It feels so right.

When he calls or arrives later than expected, I panic. I think my prince charming has found another or is interested in another. I said I'm addicted... I can't survive a withdraw! I'm already anticipating a heart break because the game of love is like a lottery game. Millions can win, but only a few actually do.

I already envision our future though. He wants to live the "good life" and so do I. One that is filled with glamour, vacations, family, and stress-free fun. Ahhh... sounds wonderful. We still have a lot to learn about each other, but I got my fingers crossed!

Signing off in love...

Being a Teenager


Living is stressing you out and now you understand why adults always say, "Don't grow up too fast." or "I wish I was young again." School is becoming demanding and your parents are arguing more than usual. Your first love have found a new love and it's hard to deal. You begin to separate yourself from your childhood friends because they keep up a lot of drama.
You callout for help, but no one understands.

Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

I'm trying to smoothen out the lump in my heart and just when I thought I was getting by and doing the right thing you do little things to taunt me. I guess that is proof how immature you are. Okay, you have a girlfriend. That's great! Why are you rubbing it in my face? You claim that you are happy, yet you throw me these signs like that isn't so. Or maybe it's a delusion and it's all in my head. No, it's not all in my head! It's true. Why must we go there?

You Bring Joy to My Life

You bring joy to my life,
ease to my smile,
and happiness to my soul.
It's a feeling that stays for a while.
My heart flutters when you call.
Everyday I long to hear your voice
And to learn something new about you.
Your personality is sweeter than candy,
but don't get on your bad side
Because you can be as fierce as a lion.
But besides that,
No one never showed me as much attention as you
Your companionship is priceless
And you honestly care.
You'll do anything to help someone in need.
And for that I like your flaws and all.

Your motivation is evident in everything you do.
You are a go-getta and I see my reflection in you.
For some reason I already feel connected to you.
And if for whatever reason...
we decided to stop being friends
a tear may drop
and my heart may flop.

Sometimes I imagine us
lying in the grass starring into the rays of the sun
Then I would gaze into your sparkling eyes and all of a sudden mines would become watery
because I know 'us' would just be too good to be true.
The ending is ambiguous and its all up to you.
You can take my hand and together we can walk
battling any obstacles this thing called life may offer.
All this to say
You bring joy to my life
ease to my smile
and happiness to my soul.

This is No Fairytale
by Erica

She loves him SO much. Maybe more than he realizes. If only he knew...

That she dreams about him, still. That she would do anything to see him happy. That if today or tomorrow he was sick or in the hospital, she would drop everything she was doing to be by his side. If he was paralyzed for the rest of his life, then, she would only hold him tighter, embracing him with everlasting love.

She care so much not only because she wants him to care for her, but because it does something for her soul. It satisfies her and make her feel alright inside. She has that "teenage love" for him. In class, she wanders off thinking, how would it be to have his last name and to mother his children someday. If only his love was reciprocal and they were in sync with each other, then, this love story will have a fairytale ending, but of course that is not the situation.

She often go back in time, when they were seeing eye-to-eye and think what did she do to lose that connection. You know...maybe if she re-track her steps and what she did wrong, then maybe she'll see what she had done wrong time after time. Because deep down inside she would like to change some of the past. She would like to fix those mistakes she had made and replace them with a gratitude. Instead, of always going on with a nagging, accusing, tough girl attitude. Don't judge her though. Know that she is living and learning.

You may ask what keeps her going strong.? Her answer, "The optimistic feeling of hope." She hopes that one day things would happen in her favor. She wishes she didn't rip that diary up of all their memories because it still has a possibility of being turned into a fairytale story.

After two years of a therapist telling her to let it go, she continues to love. How could she let someone go that she carried in her spirit with her for so many years. It's like losing a best friend. She just wouldn't be able to cope. So, how does she cope? She live in the moments that have once taking her breath away. She reminisces and damn it feels SO good. To be continued...

Boy am I crazy or am I boy-crazy?

Dear Diary,

Boy am I crazy or am I boy-crazy?

Mr. R**** is the Muslim who wants to marry me. I don't think I can began to think about marriage can't even commit to a relationship. Anyways, my ideal boyfriend is definitely not a vendor who sales oils on 52nd street. And the fact that he already have a child makes my stomach churn. Yes, I do have high standards, but why do I continue to talk to him and not move on? Well, I'll admit it. Mr. R**** is actually a nice guy, but I guess he's just not for me.

Mr. D**** is an old boyfriend. I just recently caught up with him. Our first conversation since we became reunited was off the hook and it lasted about 3 hours. We now talk on a regular basis. It's getting weird though. Now, that my feelings for him are slowly coming back and the fact that he HAS A GIRLFRIEND just makes me all confused. He had the nerve to say he don't really want to be with her. What? He must think I'm some type of fool. You know that saying .. . If there's a will there's a way? Well, here's my saying . . . If there's a way then there's a will. I need to remember that we fell off for a reason and not dig up old bones. It's so hard because he's so sweet.

Mr. C********** is someone I met late December 2008. Nice guy, but either he's not interested in me or he's more interested in someone else. He "claims" I'm his girlfriend, but it's funny because I talk to him through a text message twice a week and I see him every other week. I just need to let that go.

Mr. C**** is like the love of my life. He's the only guy I ever feel in love with and even though we haven't been together, happily-in a long time. I still got this love for him that seems to never decease. How can I let him go?

Mr. K***** is the definition of immature. He asked me to be his girlfriend last night and I laughed at him. He is so annoying and every time I talk to him he reminds me how immature and irresponsible he his. Please lose his number girl.

Mr. T******* is someone I had a huge crush on for about six months. Then, we became neutral, but now it seems like he says and does things to make me dislike him. Now, T******* got it going on! Works for C******, attends Community College, he's cute, and he is sweet and very respectful. He's the guy a girl can take home to her dad and all her brothers if you know what I mean. Too bad he's not looking for a girlfriend because I would be the first to sign up. lol

Mr. S***** is the 28 year old that has been talked about in the last couple posts. I don't think he needs any more fame.

Well ... here's my diary.

I Screwed Up and Only I Can Right My Wrongs

Just a summer crush. You know... One of those crushes that are only fun when he doesn't know you like him. And the minute he finds out, your feelings for him become sour. Too bad reality struck a little too late though.

You know, I feel like a damn fool for dating this a guy. When I dated him, I swore I was top shit. He was fond as all hell. I'm talking 6'1'', smooth caramel complexion, medium brown eyes, waves from the Pacific Ocean, muscular arms, and a six pack to go along with it. His swagger was crazy and he was well respected everywhere we went.

I remember... he would be washing the dishes and he would be wearing only a wife beater. I would daydream thinking about his strong muscular arms and how it would feel if I was wrapped in them. Damn I would feel so secure and wouldn't want him to let me- okay enough with all that.

The truth is I "F" ed up. He obviously wasn't the one for me or anyone . . . may I add? My future consists of a stress-free family, a big beautiful house, a jet black puppy/dog, and a fire engine red car. That dream he was not going to be able to help me fulfill even 10%.

Well, the bottom line is I screwed up big time. I put my relationship with my brother in jeopardy for this guy, which was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I wish I could swallow my pride, apologize, and ask him if I can move back in. It has been about six months and within that time frame all I accomplished was an apology.

Dear Brother,
I'm sorry, brother. I know I screwed up. Big time. It will never happen again because no guy is worth losing you over. After seeing how much you really love me by getting over the situation and accepting me back into your life, I have developed this new respect for you. When we stopped communicating because of the situation, I was so hurt. If there was anything in the world I wanted at that time or needed at that time, then it was you. I love you, brother. I need you, brother. Can I have another chance? Can I come back home? Please?

Love WOOG

I'm Talking Baggage!

OMG! He Has Four Kids and One On The Way.

I don't know what I was thinking or what I was on at the time. What made me get so emotionally involved with someone who could only please me physically? Perhaps was it his strong muscular arms, his smooth caramel skin, his warm brown eyes, or his glowing smile. Or could it have been my loneliness pressing me to get with someone or my hormones running wild? Could it have been his motivation to take care all his kids instead of running, like most men do? Maybe, it is a combination of all these things, but that's beside the point.

How could I've let a situation as such swallow me up like this? I mean . . . I'm attached. Not that we're still together, but we are close friends- too close of friends. It's like we're still together. So, why do I keep him around? He comforts me and I don't feel lonely at all when he's around. But let's face it Erica . . .

He's 28 Years Old, Works

at Burger King, and Lives

with His Momma!

What can a guy like him possibly do for a young, beautiful, 18 year old, college girl like me? He obviously has too many responsibilities and not enough money and time to go around. So what advice would you offer me? Drop his a** like a bad habit? Huh, easy for you to say. Someday, all of this will get old and you will see me dropping him like a bad habit, but for now I refuse to like go. Not that I can't. It's just that I don't want to. I just rather have Mr. Baggage in my life instead of no one. Sounds crazy right? That saying, "I can do bad all by myself" comes to mind, right? Well, I can do bad all by myself, but I just choose not to. Unless a really attractive, mature, honest, respectful, goal oriented, no kids having, no wife having, good job having man comes my way. But until then I'm staying put.

I'm Talking Baggage!